Aliyah Diary 29: What Does My Adult Son Think?

View All Aliyah Diary Entries

Aliyah Diary

Arrival
01. Aug 19, 2024: Preparation In America
02. Aug 25, 2024: First Few Days
03. Aug 29, 2024: Moving In

Cultural Adjustment
04. Sept 4, 2024: First Day of School
05. Sept 8, 2024: Two Weeks In . . .
06. Sept 16, 2024: Getting Comfortable
07. Sept 22, 2024: Ready for Yom Tov
09. Sept 30, 2024: Nasrallahed on the Floor
15. Nov 10, 2024: Safety Fourth
18. Nov 24, 2024: Language – l’at, ‘lat
29. Jan 31, 2025: My Son Still in America
31. Feb 3, 2025: Internet Filtering for Kids

The Roads
24. Jan 5, 2025: Supermarkets & Highways
25. Jan 12, 2025: Not Cutting Me Off

Government and Bureaucracy
10. Oct 8, 2024: Driver’s License
11. Oct 13, 2024: Packages. (חבילות.)
13. Oct 30, 2024: Bureaucracies and Stories
19. Nov 28, 2024: Taxation for Americans
22. Dec 23, 2024: Doctors & “Choleh Chadash”
27. Jan 23, 2025: Healthcare in Israel

Politics & Thought
12. Oct 25, 2024: October Sun and the Jew
16. Nov 17, 2024: Where People Look Like Me
17. Nov 19, 2024: Jewish Identity and Outlook
21. Dec 11, 2024: Let Freedom Ring

Travel and Trips
08. Sept 25, 2024: Jerusalem Concert
14. Nov 2, 2024: The Kindness of Strangers
20. Dec 5, 2024: Tel Aviv Art Museum
23. Dec 29, 2024: The West Bank. (Shomron)
26. Jan 18, 2025: Dead Sea Beer and Ice Cream
28. Jan 26, 2025: Yarkon River Judaism, Tel Aviv
30. Jan 31, 2025: My Son Visits and we Travel

Type your email…

Subscribe

“What do your kids think” is a common question I won’t answer in the diary. That’s private – mostly. Here are some excerpts from my adult child, who is in America, however. He allowed me to share, and he writes some of the travel articles on the blog. The following are excerpts, include some censorship (this is Israel, not America), and has been re-ordered for purposes of … the purpose of the blog.

Upon Hearing the News That My Family was Making Aliyah

When I first heard the news, I experienced both excitement and angst. I was happy that I would have more of a personal connection with Israel, but worried for the integration process of the family, especially during a time of heightened regional tension. Reflecting now, I don’t think these feelings have really changed. Some of my siblings seem to enjoy Israel more while others enjoyed their lives in America more. My father has a Hebrew tutor, has found a gym that he likes, and works American hours from his basement. He seems to have established a nice routine. [Father comment: Not so much.] My mother also works remotely, though less hours than she did in America, and is heavily involved in the day to day lives of the kids and the immigration process. Some of them are learning Hebrew faster than others, some are doing better socially than others, etc. Nothing shocking, however.

I was asked if I feel sad that they moved, and that is a hard question to answer. On one hand, the physical distance does feel like a barrier. On the other hand, when living in America, our schedules didn’t align frequently and I dislike staying at other people’s homes, so we didn’t see each other more than once every month or two. The dynamic has definitely changed, where now I see for long and intense stretches, probably about once a year, whereas before it was more frequent but less intense. It will definitely take some adjustment. Overall, I hope they are happy. I know that some of the choices they have made would make me unhappy if I were still living in their household, but then again, they know me and probably would have calibrated their plans accordingly. Part of the reason they chose now to move was because the times seemed opportune with me being independent of them.

[My family lives] in an almost exclusively religious gated community on a hilltop about a 5-10 minute drive from Modi’in. While I love Modi’in, the gated community lifestyle is not for me. There are some footpaths for trips within the neighborhood, but to do any sort of shopping, errand, getting to school or work, a car is most definitely needed. Some people, my family for example, like the gated community feel. To me, it feels isolating and entrapping. [Note: this is the same kid who prefers public transportation over cars.]

Would I Move To Israel?

I have a love-hate relationship with Israel. I am quite zionistic and value Israel. However, the practicalities of life in Israel are difficult for me to deal with. I am very planned out and structured, while Israel is spontaneous and hectic. I like being efficient and matter of fact, while Israel is rather bureaucratic and high-tempered. I am not the kind to assert myself by screaming the loudest in a conversation. At the post office, you need to be prepared to yell, then beg. With government offices, same thing. Chaos really wears me down. [Note from father: My experience has been very different – have not run into high-tempered people, have never had to scream, and so on. Visits to government offices have been fine … the bank, however … yee ….]

The influence of religion on secular life is a big issue for me. Almost all stores and public transportation modes are mandated to be closed on Shabbat. Marriages must be performed through religious institutions. The state is involved in certifications of food products for adhering to religious standards, and religious groups have tried to drag the state into censorship of perceived immodesty. This is not to say that Israel is a theocracy, because it by no means is. No one is coming to imprison married women who remove their head coverings. However, as an American, the idea that religious people get exemption from military service and then force their way of life onto others is very unsettling. Israel is and should be a Jewish country, but “Jewish’ expands beyond religious values. History has shaped Jews into a people with shared traditions, genetics, histories, and experiences that cannot all be accounted for by my religion alone. Therefore, I believe that Israel should be inviting for all Jews – even those who do not connect to Judaism in the religious sense. It should be safe for not just those who wear black and white.

Economics is another big issue. To just get by, Israel might be better than the US. No massive healthcare bill will show up in the mail unexpectedly, basic food products are capped in price, college is much cheaper, phone service is really affordable, and there are areas where one can rely on alternatives to private automobiles. However, living a slightly higher standard of living – especially to an American standard of living – is much more expensive. Taxes are higher, salaries are lower, real estate as a function of average salary is less affordable, food products are about equally priced or higher, an 18% sales tax is added to most goods, most appliances and electronics are imported and thus more expensive, cars and gas are taxed at about 100%, and the list goes on. Shopping is much less convenient and customer service is not viewed in the same way. While having more material goods does not correlate to increased happiness, it is definitely hard to give up certain material goods once one is accustomed to them as I am. My family made money in America and sustains business in America while living in Israel. Due to having their kids in private school in America but publicly funded religious schools in Israel, the financial impact was not too terrible. But I realize that the lifestyle they live is only possible due to American salaries and a unique set up. And I really hate working remotely.

That brings me to my next point: future generations. Even if I manage in Israel, I don’t see Israel being the best place for my kids in the future (once I have kids). Sure, Israel is very child friendly and playgrounds and after-school activities abound. But once they grow up, all boys and secular girls must go to the army. I would be livid if my parents moved and I was forced to enlist as a result and I imagine my future children would be too. And with the financial situation, I just don’t see how living in Israel will be sustainable financially without serious compromises on quality of life.

If some (or ideally all) of these issues become assuaged, I would gladly immigrate to Israel. But I don’t see that happening soon. Thousands of Israelis have emigrated to cities around the world, including Berlin, New York, and Los Angeles. I think that speaks, at least in part, to the difficulties of life in Israel. Each country has its own unique strengths and weaknesses, and it comes down to the fact that I feel more equipped to deal with those of America and Europe than those of Israel.

Observations Upon My First Visit to My Family in Israel

The country is very diverse. Within a few square kilometers, one can find Arab villages, bustling Haredi populations living in precariously stacked towers with oddly placed balconies, swanky and modern secular Israelis, American and European immigrants, Thai workers, foreign students, and more. Despite this diversity though, it does seem like people live in parallel worlds that do not intersect. A good metaphor for Israel is a dysfunctional family with strong personalities that will all suddenly be united once threatened. When Israelis disagree, you should get your earplugs ready. However, when they embrace you, they are almost overbearingly warm. On Friday at the market, someone asked me if I wanted flowers for Shabbat. I said no and shooed him away. In America, those people are almost always scammers or want something from you. When we returned to the car, we found a flower on the windshield with a nice little card. In a rather run-down grocery shop, we were told that we could not complete a purchase without a membership card. Multiple people overheard and ran forwards to scan their membership so we could finish the transaction. On the wall of the same shop were placards announcing lost and found goods. There is something special and heartfelt about that.

I noticed a disparity between different areas. Most of the good jobs, education, and services are located in the Tel Aviv region, which seems noticeably nicer than the peripheral areas of the country. I guess in any geographic area, that is bound to happen. New York is no different. And while Modi’in has spectacular urban planning, Jerusalem has a growing light rail network, and Tel Aviv will soon be constructing a subway, many outlying areas are haphazardly designed and intensely car dependent. Rail stations and bus stations often are at the side of highway junctions. Although better than nothing, a country so small, dense, and with a high population growth rate can and should do better. In 20 years many more areas will be more conveniently served from a transportation perspective but right now there are definitely some growing pains. The country is perpetually under construction.

The food is kind of a mixed bag. Some simple items are a lot better than American counterparts, such as basic produce, hummus, baked goods, etc. However, America has much better snacks and a variety of items. I also can’t quite figure out Israeli dairy products: the yogurt tastes different, as well as the cottage cheese. And can anyone explain what “white” and “yellow” cheese are? Similarly, Israeli restaurants serve “chopped” and “green” salad. When I went to buy orange juice, it came out to $12 for a bottle. And I have seen some Israeli products cheaper in America than in Israel.

To be continued in the next blog post . . .