Aliyah Diary 15: Safety Fourth

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Aliyah Diary

01. Aug 19, 2024: Preparation In America
02. Aug 25, 2024: First Few Days
03. Aug 29, 2024: Moving In
04. Sept 4, 2024: First Day of School
05. Sept 8, 2024: Two Weeks In . . .
06. Sept 16, 2024: Getting Comfortable
07. Sept 22, 2024: Ready for Guests and Yom Tov
08. Sept 25, 2024: Visiting Jerusalem – Kotel and Concert
09. Sept 30, 2024: Nasrallahed All over the Floor
10. Oct 8, 2024: Driver’s License
11. Oct 13, 2024: Packages. (חבילות.)
12. Oct 25, 2024: October Sun and Understanding the Jew
13. Oct 30, 2024: Bureaucracies and Stories
14. Nov 2, 2024: Traveling with the Kindness of Strangers
15. Nov 10, 2024: Safety Fourth

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“Safety” comes after, 1) fun, 2) education, and 3) because I want to.

I want fruit trees

The idea of growing and picking my own fruits and vegetables sounds great – fresh and there when you need them. Tends to be that it’s less expensive and more reliable to go to a supermarket and it’s easier to grow weeds than it is to grow squirrel and bird food. I wondered why my peach tree never gave peaches and there I was, watching the tree during a Covid minyan in my back yard. The squirrels ate the peaches the second they resemble fruit. No deterrent mechanism I tried helped any – I do not miss squirrels.

Israel has no squirrels and far fewer bugs. It is November and our windows have been open for weeks. In New Jersey there were about four days in the fall which was “window open season” and here we’re approaching a month. No air conditioning and no heating – just beautiful outdoor temperature. In addition to the lack of squirrels and bugs … my house lacks soil, so what does one do when one wants to plant fruit trees? Cadim – pots:

There’s a kumquat tree and avocado tree. There are, in fact, two types of avocados – that’s “soog” … Ettlinger (what they usually have here) and … the type we bought because we’re Americans.

Now, law of intended consequences. Remember that I said I have no soil on the property? Remember that I have two cats? . . .

. . . I also have free fertilizer.

Funny store it was, buying those trees. I went through kfar rut which is miles and miles of farmland between major cities looking for trees. Not much is labeled though my Hebrew teacher sent me there – she said to find the משתלת … the nurseries. I forgot the word, as I tend to do, though saw the word on a sign … a shilat, if you will, and I instinctively hit the breaks and made a hard right turn, recognizing the word somehow. (I’m slowly, slowly starting to pick things up in Hebrew.)

Finding Trees At the Farm

I found some trees … not what I was looking for … limequats and whatnot. So I spend a couple hours driving around and checking out the places, each typically at the end of a 1/2 mile dirt road to no where. It was an experience. I’ll just photo album this …

They’ve got . . . Home Depot outdoor section on steroids, Fountains of Wayne on steroids, plant greenhouse on steroids, George Carlin party bus on marijuana, and … a yupee eatery packed with people down yet another 1/2 mile dirt road in an otherwise nearly empty expanse of dirt roads. So strange. (I asked if it was kosher – they said they don’t have any supervison though they’re closed on Shabbat. <shrug>)

There’s also a store that sells computer cables. I’m telling you, there is! At least, someone told me there is one and I saw the sign … never found the place.

The local nursery

So . . . on to the local nursery in Shilat. Not … a “sign” … it’s the name of a city, also.

“I need you guys to deliver.”
“No.”
“No, I need it.”
“No.”
“You can do it later.”
“No.”
“Next week … any time. It’s a 10 minute drive.”
“No.”
“I have to see if I can find someone.”
“Two trees will fit in your car.”
“See them on my porch up above? They won’t fit.”

When an Israeli says two trees will fit in your sedan, two trees will fit in your sedan. Zehu.

(Kind of seems like less of a nais [miracle] that Jerusalem could hold every Jew who visited for the yom Tovim and that everyone bowed down at once to all fit during the prayers. Miracles here are … every day.)

Flat Tire

How do you say ‘flat tire’ in Hebrew? Same as English except with a funny emphasis on some different syllable, which I’m not even sure how than can be since they are one syllable words. Another miracle, I suppose.

How do you say, “garage”? Same as above. How do you say, “reverse”? Same as above. How do you hole in the tire? Say “puncture” in a weird way. How do you say “oil”? It’s something that sounds like “naptha” and gasoline is something that sounds like “benzene” – these are things within the things we’re naming.

Anyway … way back before I thought of making aliyah I read someone’s story about bringing special things you own from America to you feel a continuity / safety in your life … as well as having some nicer things so you feel you’re upgrading materially. Someone, for example, used cheap dishes in America and saved their fancy wedding dishes for Israel. In my case, it was selling a 12 year old Kia and buying a new fancy-mobile. I’m a bit sad about that because I was hoping to beat my record of driving a car until it was 18 years old and I was almost there, willing the skipping between gears out of existence. (I willed out of existence problems with the breaks and steering on my high school car and it literally made it until the day I went to college – prayer works.) Nevertheless, I have a nicer car here and it does the trick.

Nicer car still gets flat tires with nails and I’ve heard bad stories about Americans getting hosed at mechanic shops … which, despite what Google Translate says, is not “mechani rechev” (literally, “car mechanic”) … it’s “sheruti rechev” (literally, “car service”). There’s a place near me which I’m told is impeccably honest and I didn’t want to drive far on a tire with hole in it, temporarily pumped up with my Costco car battery powered battery charger and air pump in one.

Digression: If anyone can find a clip of this … Garfield and Friends had a game show with mock prizes. One of the prizes was a “battery powered battery charger” and it was meant as joke. Why would anyone charge a battery with a battery?

We literally do that all the time now. I have a battery on my desk to charge my phone and another battery in my trunk to charge my car.

Some observations about mechanics here, compared to America:
– you can meander around / in the garage;
– you can smoke in the garage;
– there’s an office with someone on a computer who handles the payments;
– they give you a nifty thing to hang on your rear view mirror with their name and tefillos haDerech;
– they walk under ladders; (it wasn’t dangerous where it was – I’m writing this more for shock value)
– it costs 50 NIS (~$13) to fix a hole in the tire … it costs $10 in US (though the mechanic saw me often and refused to charge me)

Bag culture

In New Jersey we want save the environment and whatnot so plastic bags are banned, no one bags your groceries for you anymore, and we throw out permanent bags instead. When you forget to bring your bags to the store … ugh, either buy only what you can carry or, “I’ll just order on Amazon and drive home.”

Here … bags are a thing. They push them on you. How can you walk out without putting it in a bag? I bought a board game and a board game store (diversion: there are a lot of little specialty stores here if you can find them) and he insisted I take a bag because it’s advertising for him. Another time we picked up eye glasses and I really don’t need a bag for glasses in a glasses case and then … look at this fancy thing:

That’s a real man’s bag. Nice thick canvas with zipper on top! Lenses cost about 75 cents to produce. The bag probably cost more.

Sometimes bags double as windsocks so you know which was the wind is blowing until some unkind person litters in it:

Cat Scratch Fever Story

Not from that cat. I just put his picture there because he’s sooooo cuuutte. Also, there is literally a genre of videos on YouTube designed to entertain cats:

Okay, enough digression. Mr. Owl scratched my daughter:

Points go to my daughter for naming this cat. It’s such a good name – we name all our feral cats.

Being good citizens we ask a doctor if there’s a concern about rabies. He says something like, “I’m supposed to tell you to report it to the department of health though I wouldn’t bother.” He follows this up with, “check out all the cat scratch scars I have on me from playing with these cats.”

Being good citizens we call the department of health and ask … they say we should come in. Being good citizens we spent a few hours doing what we were supposed to do and found the department of health building, found the right floor, and then the right office with three workers there … none of which were doing anything particular. We show them a picture of the cat and tell them the concern, “oh, cute cat.” We see the doctor, who puts away her lunch as we come in, and tell her the situation. “Oh, cute cat – and there’s no concern of rabies in this area.”

Okay, well, that was a fun trip where I got to try our new Hebrew words with people who know less English in this … less English-y area … let’s get something out of this.

“Perhaps you can tell my daughter about some of the dangers of wild animals here?”
Blank Stare
I try in Hebrew: “Efshar at debarta l’bati al sichana Im hayot b’aretz?“
Blank Stare
“… cat scratch fever, maybe?”
“Ah, yes – ask your doctor.”

Do you people have Berenstein bears over here?!?! Stranger danger? Curious George? Bee hive to the face? Nothing?!

Trump wins the election on Israeli radio

The radio in my car stays on one station – Kol Chai. In a modern car you have to go through an average of six steps to change the radio station so I don’t bother. Also I really like this station – it’s a religious station and they play Jewish music (American and Israeli), give the news, and teach Torah. I can’t say I understand a lot of it, though I keep it on in the car so I’m hearing Hebrew and reinforcing a word or two that I’ve learned anew. The commercials are actually the best because they’re repetitive and they talk loudly and clearly. (example (doogma): “Want new eyeglasses? They come in our pretty bags now with strong zippers on top!”)

Trump is hugely popular in Israel – he recognized the Golan Heights is part of Israel, moved the American embassy to Jerusalem, and many other things. When he won the radio station had various versions of techno Star Spangled Banner interrupted or voice-overed with cheering of the radio announcer and callers saying to make a Kiddush in thanks for G_d’s kindness.

Yes, however, there’s a thing in the Gemora about “gingies” … from the word, “ginger” … red-heads … that they’re angry, unpredictable people. Way to play into that one, Trump.

What did we learn today

Walk under ladders, walk around the mechanic’s garage, play with wild animals, put trees in your car, fill the landfills with fancy bags, smoke next a vat of motor oil, hand out religious literature at a traffic light, vote Republican … we’re not giving you trouble. It’s a free country. Just, whatever you do, wear sneakers in the gym.

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Aliyah Diary

01. Aug 19, 2024: Preparation In America
02. Aug 25, 2024: First Few Days
03. Aug 29, 2024: Moving In
04. Sept 4, 2024: First Day of School
05. Sept 8, 2024: Two Weeks In . . .
06. Sept 16, 2024: Getting Comfortable
07. Sept 22, 2024: Ready for Guests and Yom Tov
08. Sept 25, 2024: Visiting Jerusalem – Kotel and Concert
09. Sept 30, 2024: Nasrallahed All over the Floor
10. Oct 8, 2024: Driver’s License
11. Oct 13, 2024: Packages. (חבילות.)
12. Oct 25, 2024: October Sun and Understanding the Jew
13. Oct 30, 2024: Bureaucracies and Stories
14. Nov 2, 2024: Traveling with the Kindness of Strangers
15. Nov 10, 2024: Safety Fourth