Aliyah Blog 91: Oil Changes and Pizza

---

My car threatens me with lights and buzzers

Car: “I will automatically self-destruct unless you change your oil soon.

Me: “Phfft. I don’t believe you. You’ve traveled 12,500 miles and you said I only need to change the oil every 15,000 miles.”

Car: “I know what I said – though I said it in kilometers – I also said change the oil at least once a year.”

Me: “… and … ?”

Car: “In 12 days I will self-destruct because it will have been a year.”

Me: “It’s been about 16 months alr—“

Car: “What? I’m overdue to self-destruct?!?”

Me: “No no … no no … it’s me who can’t tell time. You’re right. Twelve days.”

Car: “Great because cars used to need oil changes every 3000 miles … and they actually did self-destruct at about 5000.”

---

Time for my first oil change.

Me, in Hebrew: “I want an oil change please.”

Oded: “Full service?” (sherutim maleh)

Me: “Oil change.” (lahatlif shemen)

Oden: “Yes, full service.”

Me: “Sure, whatever you call it. Oil change.”

Oded: “Okay. It will be ready today. If after 4pm, the keys will be under the mat in your car and pay later.”

Full service = royal service

Tony spoiled me in America – $50-ish 5 liters of synthetic oil change and no charge for fixing flat tires. He was on my way to shul and the Jews, such as myself, were/are very loyal customers keeping him very busy.

Israel: 1023 shekels for one car (800 for the other). Over $300! 18% is tax … okay, that makes it $250-ish.

My windshield wipers were changed – the ones that came with my car were terrible; cabin air filter was changed – something I prefer to remove entirely than waste money on; and my car was cleaned.

Apparently, says ChatCPT I should have asked for “short service”.

Well, “full” here means “royal”.

---

Royal service gas station

I became a pro at getting gas at my regular gas station until they added some aftermarket interface. Now I have no idea what I’m doing again. This isn’t Costco where you hand your card and wait . . . though it turns out you can get better here.

I mentioned this before – in America there’s a homogeneous expectation of service and goods whereas in Israel the differences between high and low are vast. Except food. American cottage cheese goes from terrible quality to excellent whereas in Israel dairy products are homogeneous and excellent quality.

Away in Mivereset Tzion on a hike in the Judean Hills on another “whoa – why didn’t anyone tell me this place existed” (Satuf – for a future blog entry), I was low on gas. Stopping in the only gas station directly on the way, there was a line though I saw some of the front stalls (or whatever you call them) were open. In New Jersey, what do you do? You drive around and backup into an open stall.

In Israel: “lo mishtamesh” – the one I drove to is not working. Sigh. Never happened in America. No once that I can recall. Israel: nothing except cottage cheese is homogeneous. Even the prices are government controlled.

Okay, let’s drive forward and backup on the other side. “This is full service.” Ugh. I give up. Fine. I’ll pay extra for full service.

Wow. I feel like royalty again. It’s like being back in New Jersey, land of jughandles and “live free and never pump your own gas”. I forgot how much I missed being able to sit in my car and being waited on. by a Sikh gas station attendant. Then … it was like the late 80s, sitting in my parent’s’ car, and the attendant comes with a squeegee and cleans the windshield.

$100 to fill up a nearly empty tank compared to about $40 in New Jersey and I’m on way feeling like a king with my clean air filter, new windshield wipers, and squeegeed glass.

(Parenthetically, despite gas prices being so much higher here, it’s not a major monthly expense. Food is 28% cheaper, schooling is 4% of what it costs for Jewish schools, healthcare costs less than half.)

---

Finding Gluten Free Pizza

On my way back from the hike my wife asks me to pick up dinner. Ah. In a new place – I can find a new restaurant … it will be a) good to excellent, and b) kosher. The ability to be almost anywhere in Israel and find a good kosher restaurant is an amazing perk of being here.

There’s an Italian restaurant that says “kosher” on the awning. Let’s check that out. I haven’t had Italian food since moving to Israel!

Inside: it’s a pizza place. Sigh. It’s not even Italian pizza … it’s American pizza … albeit, with amazing topping choices: goat cheese, four cheese, olives, egg, spicy peppers … well, close enough. At least they have decent salads with fresh greens … greens in Israel … always excellent and fresh. They don’t need to be shipped on a truck from Guatemala. They’re grown an hour drive away probably and perhaps hydroponically.

Me: “Wife, I’m getting pizza and for you, a Greek salad.”
Wife: “We have a kid staying with us who has Celiac disease. She’s going to feel bad if she doesn’t get pizza also.”
Me: “Pizza Shemesh is 1/2 mile from here – I’ll stop off there.”

Pizza Shemesh is one of a few large, kosher, Israeli pizza chains which has good gluten free pizza.

---

One hour twenty minutes later

This is a suburban city, two lane road on either side, and six-minute drive with turning around at the next traffic light.

Twenty minutes from the turn into the strip mall until I can get to the nearest parking spot. Very short light. One lane in and out. Cars going out are blocking everything to go in.

It’s not a strip mall. It’s a mall … mall. The most direct way to the pizza store, says Waze, requires going through a locked door or wall and my infinite improbability drive was in the trunk. Finding the actual mall entrance – which has no mall directory which is a thing here – and finally the pizza place – I ordered and paid. Kupah’it’s – which a literal translation would be “cash register-ist” – tend to be very smiley around here … friendly, they look healthy, and lack the disgruntled, empty look of cash register-ists of a Target or Costco in America.

“Your pizza will be ready in about 15 minutes.” Sigh. Teddy’s would have it in five and I’d have been annoyed at spending five minutes looking for parking.

Then it was out of the parking lot.

America: wins on efficiency. Loses on being disgruntled.
Israel: loses on efficiency. Wins on being happy.

---