Aliyah 101: Tel Aviv Downtown

Introduction

Well, looks like I’m not stopping at 100 entries. Finally, I went to Tel Aviv for something that wasn’t an airport, concert, doctor, beach, museum, relative … or … I think I covered it. Hmm… that list is longer than I thought.

At the last concert (not worth writing about – the link is to a previous one) my friend pointed to the ‘park and ride’ or ‘fast lane parking’ as they call it here. Tel Aviv isn’t separated by a body of water or tolls, though it is separated to the outside by traffic, though by New York City standards I barely notice.

Traffic Management

Yet someone put real thought into traffic management – designing a parking lot between two sides of a highway, HOV lane required to enter (without paying for the HOV), and direct bus to the city. Who thought of that? Fast lane not only to get to the city … there’s one to get to the park and ride bringing you much closer to the city without traffic. (They raise the toll depending on traffic in the HOV lane to make sure it flows smoothly; another innovation that seems obvious once you see it in Disney World Fastpass prices.)

The shuttles (coach buses with USB ports) come every 5, 10, or 15 minutes (depending on time of day) and it’s all free. It actually enticed me away from driving into the city which, during the day, isn’t that bad.

I’m just in low key … no, middle-C, awe of the design. Even midday it was faster and, of course, cheaper than paying to park in Tel Aviv. One stop and you’re in the center of Tel Aviv next to those three iconic buildings of different geometric shapes (Azrieli towers), the mall, the train station, Soroka market, dozens of -clean- bus stops to all over, and a short walk to the Heichel HaTarbut. Go urban planning.

Skyscrapers with Class

Skyscrapers surround you in every direction which more being built in almost as many directions. Remember that not far away are the most beautiful nature hikes, craters in the ground, salt seas, and 2000-year-old functioning water tunnels. The iconic three geometric shaped towers of Tel Aviv are about to become four. Even more, the Tel Aviv skyscrapers have class. These aren’t regular old cement elongated prisms, they’re got -art- … reflective symmetry to the next building, diagonal cutaways in the windows forming a pattern, the shape of Ferb’s head (Dr. D’s in that one), and so on and so on.

Go up one of the buildings, the circular building of the three Azrieli towers, and you can look out from the 49th floor. To get there, walk into the mall which is nicer than most I’ve seen in the United States, and its bustling with energy and people. A circular food court greets you with a mix of kosher and non-kosher restaurants with a feel of a semi-shuk and persuasive employees (he yelled “soup”, gave us a free taste, and we bought some), a la Ramle style except far nicer aesthetically, still, with character.

For those of you who have gone to the top floor of buildings like the Empire State Building, One World Trade Center, the Twin Towers, and the Hancock building, you might remember the theatrics. My grandmother made my 10-year-old self wear a sport jacket to go the restaurant at the top of the Twin Towers (Windows to the World)¹ and at the others there are big ticket booths at the bottom, tourist traps, and big lines to get to this elevator and the next elevator which takes you to another elevator.

49th Floor Lookout

In Israel, you better want to find that top floor. AI helped me figure it out – even what building to be in – and what floor. The trick was finding an elevator that went above floor 3 (the mall). Found it. Found a very small sign telling us that we want floor 49 for the lookout deck. Went to the top floor … told the waitress (yes, waitress) outside the door why we came – she went to ask if we could come in – came back and charged us 25 shekels each to walk to a large lounge with (closed bar) where we looked out through windows that needed to be clean towards and past even taller buildings under construction while surrounded by decor which my daughter loved.

Saroka Market

Then back down through the mall we walked over to Saroka market / Saroka shuk which is the very old and very restored part of Tel Aviv to the point that they moved the houses around to put them where they wanted them. There are various things in each little house … restaurants and … well, I didn’t look too closely though there are tours available. Next time.

Surrounding these 100+ year old restored houses are skyscrapers, skyscrapers, skyscrapers. Everything is well manicured … until you walk out a different side and start seeing what looks like a ‘normal’ city with air conditioners in the windows and concrete walls … so don’t do that.

The indoor market, the Sarona shuk, is busy as anything that is busy. It’s as long as a 150-meter football field, if a football field were 150 meters long, filled with stores and mostly eateries of both the kosher and unkosher kind. This is the first time I saw a sign in big letters advertising “shrimp” and “lobster” and my born-religious kids still find it interesting that I have a desire for such foods. My daughter decided not to eat at the Lady Gaga clothing store (see picture), instead opting for a tiny meat restaurant where the chef is extremely busy cooking in the storefront. The line was as long as needed to be ‘out the door’ if only a line of six people fit in the store. For 58 shekels ($19) we ordered a meat platter with three sides that was enough for two people.

Then, on our way home, we found the bus stop (bus 801, if helpful to you) thanks to my friend having pointed it out to me previously … it’s one of those things in Israel where you have to ask or you’d never know where to go; in this case the transportation app here doesn’t seem to know or prefers to send you where you have to pay and they get kickbacks. Back to the parking lot we went, by bus, one stop, bus came in about five minutes.

Trust in Government

In a conversation with my son about the new United States ‘food pyramid’ why I accept when Israel labels food as heathy or not with stickers for very healthy, too much fat, too much sugar, too much salt. Only American products get the trifecta here. Well, the US’s food pyramid is literally upside down on an apex and can’t even stand – they put red meat at the top and I’m supposed to trust the government? The previous ‘food pyramid’ was based on what American meat and dairy producers lobbied for and before that, the ‘science’ that all fat = bad | sugar = good was corruption leading to obesity. The can of soda and a cigarette was a staple of eateries in the 1980s.

I trust the Israeli government insofar as these issues because food labels are based on science and transportation on logic. (Israeli laws designed to keep out foreign food competition and protect monopolies are a different story, though the U.S. is catching up.) The Tapan Zee Bridge (named because sometimes has so much traffic that you can get out and tap on zee bridge) is exactly 25 miles North of the George Washington Bridge, at the widest part of the Hudson River, because the shareholders in the GW Bridge had a monopoly 25 miles out and didn’t want competition. Bridges to the largest city in the country are a public good, not a competitive sport. The HOV lanes in New Jersey were so despised that our senator got them removed without having to give the money back to the federal government for all the new lanes. The goal of any state is to waste someone else’s budget in a race to the bottom which was supposed to be solved by the U.S. Constitution.

Real answer: separating powers as much as possible means we’re always competing and prevent tyranny … it also brings waste, though it’s better than any other system.

1. This is a joke I heard before 9/11 when this was funny – stop reading now. There are two drunks guys drinking at the bar at the restaurant on the top of one of the Twin Towers. One guy says to the other, “did you know that if you jump out the window the air currents will blow you right back up into the window?” Of course, the other guy doesn’t believe him so he shows him – sure enough, out the window and back in the window the first man goes/comes. The second man tries it and smashes right into the ground. An onlooker at the bar says, “Superman, you’re such a jerk when you’re drunk.” ↩︎